Love

My love was a captive bird.

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Maybe someday you may make a mistake…

and wander into my streets, by mistake, my love.

My love remained inside, unsaid, captive in my heart,

Never got a chance to be free and flowing like a

Meandering carefree stream.

It just fluttered inside like a captive bird, and then

Sat quietly, hopeless and giving up.

Longingly I looked for the blue,

The blue of your eyes, the blue of your smile.

The sun set and closed another day.

And I asked you yet again,

Cant I be with you for a while,

I don’t ask a lifetime, for that is too long,

Stay and hold me close and let me feel your heart

Beating near my face,

Under the shade of the tree lets sit,

And forget time, age and place…

A confession of Love….

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I happened to be chatting to my old childhood friend that other night when things turned totally bizzare. We had known each other when we were teenagers, we really liked each other but I moved away after knowing him for 3 years. We lost touch for almost 15 years then got chatting again for the past few years and we have been just friends..but then, this happened. Well, he had pinged me the other day saying he needed to talk to me. We usually texted on phone or on FB but tonight he wanted to videochat. Well, we started chatting on VC, when he said all of a sudden, “You are beautiful…..”.and went on to say, “He loves me..always had! He said I was too good for him, so he could never tell me or contact me”. He says that after all these years he had denied to himself that I was the girl he had always loved. I did not know what to say. Should I laugh, should I cry? Should I believe him or not? He was drunk. It could be the alcohol talking but I guess it must have been there in his sub conscious all this time, so that, that night it all came pouring out. He said he failed in his relationships because of me. He said I had been fickle. How could I forget him? How could I leave him and go away to foreign countries? I always had a hunch that he loved me, something always pulled at me, all through my life, yet that night was still a shock. I just kept staring at him, playing with my fingers, looking down and sometimes up at him. We laughed and we cried. I was shocked to see him crying. We cried at all the time wasted, the years spent searching for love, when we had already found love, all those years back. He told me “I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen”, like “ever seen”. How old fashioned is that! But he said it, and it shocked me. Noone had ever said this to me. I told him, “I had loved him too…and He was the handsomest guy I had ever seen”. And I did not think I was that beautiful. But he kept repeating, “You are beautiful. You have no idea how beautiful you are.”. He said, “It is such a waste, this life, all these misunderstandings.” I told him, that “I thought I was boring”, so he had not wanted to be with me….And he just stared at me, shocked, saying, “How could you think that!” ….yes, all these years, and the reason I am writing it down because I am too startled at life…I cannot believe that his and my story turned out to be like the story of Cathy and Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights…..I did not even believe that such a love existed…and now I am proved wrong…My childhood friend of so many years, who I had always remembered and loved for a long time, who I lost touch with, who now says he had always loved me too.

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How will you forget me?

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How will you forget me?

Me that carries the same soul as yours,

When you look up at the sky, you will see my face

As one with the night sky, faintly glimmering like the stars,

You will see my eyes, looking at you, hoping that

One day you will look at me too, for a time long,

Longer than a lazy afternoon day,

Longer than a dark moonless night.

How will you forget the wind swept night?

When you rested your head on mine.

Who can you share that moment if not with me?

Who will turn up her face with yours,

feeling the rain laden wind lightly caressing your face,

Who will look at the clouds with you,

waiting for it to burst open in rain,

How will you forget me?

How will you forget the darkly lit room where we smoked

and hoped that the night goes on forever,

The music, the lights, and the tall chilled drinks,

The night that one dreams of, an ephemeral night,

Which one can go back to again and again.

Even if you wait for an entire lifetime, and hope that my

Memory fades, I will still be there, ever present,

How can you forget me? How can I forget you?

You wanted me to forget you…

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You wanted me to forget you,

So thoughts of you, bring the tears no more,

I forgot you forever so,

That  in the deepest  darkness, the light shines no more

Beautiful kite….I am letting you go today.

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A note of love lost I wrote to someone I love, who never loved me back, and which

I never sent…Its a note of misery and failure, and loserdom, yet its honest and so

I share it.

I want to be the girl who you call everyday, who you talk to when you need to unburden

about the day. I wait for you everyday, to call or message me, or some sign that you

are still there for me, but everyday comes and passes by with no message for you.

After days if I write back, yes, you write back to me, but then if I don’t, the days just

keep passing by. I am tired or waiting for you, tired of waiting for a day which will never

come. Ah, I know perhaps you are sickening and almost about to throw up at this blatant

statement of my misery, as I feel like when someone who loves me and I don’t love,

professes his love for me, but have patience for some more time, and at least do me the

honor of reading through my misery. Sometimes, I wish you would be kind enough to put

the bullet to my head and shoot me, saying that you are not there for me anymore,

and will never be, but maybe I don’t even deserve that kindness. So I am putting the bullet to

my head and letting go of you in my mind. Oh, the horrors of unrequited love, nothing reeks more

of hell than that, putrid and miserable.

You were my kite, my beautiful, beloved kite, and I thought

I would fly with you, but I guess you just kept tugging and my hands are too tired

to hold on, so I am cutting the string today, and watch you fly away to an unknown

horizon, never to return. I look at you till I can see you no more, and then I walk back,

lighter, free, sadder and yet happy for you. I will always love you, my kite and I hope

you find peace and happiness. Me, I have the string which once bound you to me, and

thats the piece of you, I have, the broken piece, to remind me that you were once there,

and yet not there. I love you.

That day the sky was blue…The poem I wrote below in English.

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That day that summer day
The skies were bluer than blue
The winds seemed to have changed,
The sunlight was soft and mellow
And the winds were blowing slow
But walking near you was the best
of all,
If we could but stay for some more time,
Then the day would seem brighter still,
But no the afternoon did not last,
Not for you, not for me,
We had to return, from where we came
to where we had to go back to,
So there you went to again, and
there I went to again,
Leaving behind that little time,
When I walked beside you, a few..
steps.

Us din aasman nila tha… a poem in Hindi.Love

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Aasman kuch nila nila sa tha..
Hawa kuch badli thi,
dhoop thi kuch dhimi dhimi
hawa kuch ruki ruki si thi.
Tumhara saath par tha
jo ki sabse pyari thi
Kuch der aur ruk jaate,
to baat kya khub thi.
Par nahi ruki wo dopahar
na mere liye na tumhare liye
lautna tha humen jahan se
aaye the hum, phir apne raaste
chal diye tum, chal diye hum,
bas rah gayi wo saath tumhari
tumhare saath chale kuch chand
kadam…